DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have been together for many years. I have never really liked his mother -- for valid reasons. She belittles and is disrespectful to her son. The last straw was when she came by two months ago and made a derogatory comment about him to me. (He was not present.) It was false, and I called her out on it. She, of course, had no rebuttal. She is negative even in her personal life and often lies.
I talked to my fiance about this, and he does address the issues with her, but not in a way that makes her understand she must either respect him or risk no longer having a relationship with him. She uses others, is two-faced and rarely bathes. I am considering breaking off our engagement at this point. I'm tired of this woman's lack of respect. Should I walk away from this relationship? -- DISGUSTED AND APPALLED IN THE EAST
DEAR DISGUSTED: If your tolerance level has reached its limit, you may have to walk away. However, I do not think you should give your fiance an ultimatum in which he must decide between you and his mother. As obnoxious and odiferous as she is, she is still his mother. I do think you should suggest that he talk with a licensed psychotherapist about his relationship with her. If it is as unhealthy as you have described, he might then, on his own, decide to distance himself from her.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.