Redditors are sharing all the marriage "hacks" they wish they'd known from the start, and reading the thread is cheaper than therapy. A lot of this advice is simple but counteracts old narratives about how married couples are supposed to act.
Aside from making sure you actually like and are compatible with your partner before you tie the knot, there are a lot of little things you can do to improve your relationship. People are often hungry for these tips -- it's not easy building a life with another, and conflict is inevitable.
That may have been what led Reddit user u/Due-Sound-9175 to ask: "What's your marriage hack you wish you knew sooner?"
Sometimes it's as simple as realizing that you don't have to share everything. If you're arguing over toothpaste or fighting for the covers, get your own. You can literally each have your own comforter and tube of toothpaste. If you can afford two bathrooms, do it. Your relationship isn't failing if you're not sharing every single thing.
Others urged readers to put effort into spending time with each other and making one another happy. There is no advice more valuable than that.
According to the Business Research Company, the marriage counseling industry is increasing by billions every year and could reach nearly $23 billion by 2029. This is good news, because working on your relationship with a professional is always better than misery and divorce.
However, if your issues aren't at that point yet, these 19 tips could save you some money.
"In a conflict, never think of it as 'you vs. me,' but as 'us vs. the problem.' Get on the same team." -- u/celestialism
"If you argue about whether to squeeze the toothpaste from the end or the middle, buy two tubes of toothpaste."
"Some things aren't worth arguing over. Sometimes you just need two tubes of toothpaste." -- u/MuppetManiac
"The happier you make your spouse, the happier they want to make you." -- u/Grigsbyjawn
"Sleeping in the same king size bed with separate duvets/blankets/comforters!!!!!"
"We spend 10 minutes each night cuddling good night then we go our separate ways to burrito as we wish without any threat of blanket theivery in the middle of the night. Ensures we don't disturb each other's sleep." -- u/NerdBitchCrazy
"My counselor recently told me that speaking poorly of your spouse or sharing their secrets can be considered a type of emotional infidelity. If you want trust and respect, you absolutely have to give it back. How would you feel if your spouse said the same thing negative thing about you that you said about them?" -- u/AbFabFreddie
"People like to hear, 'you're right.' And often in a conflict, both parties are right -- at least about some aspect of the situation. 'You're right' can defuse some anger and tension, and shows that you are listening to your partner." -- u/not_triage
"Overall just relationship related -- don't try to continue a serious discussion late at night or running on fumes in general. It is better to go to bed and revisit it the following day if necessary." -- u/Far_Wrongdoer4543
"Separate bathrooms!! Seriously, it sucks waiting on someone, and it really sucks walking in after they've been in there a while. I know we're all human, I know we're all gross, but I also like to keep some things as private as possible." -- u/Dawn36
"Not only for marriage, but speaking up when there's a problem and being brave to bring up difficult topics with your partner." -- u/Chaos_and_Candy
"You have to find a balance between differentiation and enmeshment. You should have your own sense of self and things that are unique to you, that wouldn't go away even if your spouse suddenly wasn't in the picture, whether that's hobbies, a career, etc."
"Simultaneously, you shouldn't be so independent of your spouse that they play little role in your life and you constantly act without regard for their wants or needs." -- u/Ms_Rarity
"When I'm in bed with my spouse and I get anxious, I turn to him and say, 'I'm telling myself a story that you're focused on your phone right now because you're mad at me.' Or 'I'm telling myself a story that we don't share enough with each other.' Or whatever."
"That opens a door to a conversation about things we're worried about or angry about or sad about. Then we can discuss. It's helped remove a lot of assumptions and anxiety from our relationship." -- u/volerider
"Honestly, learning that love isn't just about big romantic gestures but about small, consistent kindness every day changed everything for me. Saying 'thank you,' listening even when you're tired, and never assuming your partner can read your mind -- it's simple but makes a huge difference." -- u/sheilagon
"Creating a chore board! It was so much better working together to think about all the tasks that needed to be done and how often together. We do a monthly chore draft and that way I don't have to nag him and can let go of the mental load of managing the house." -- u/Kelicopter
"If you're mad at your partner and thinking of all the things you want to say to them, absolutely do not say those things. If you need to get it out write it down. Those thoughts are probably not rational and will only make things worse." -- u/Dstareternl
"We each designate 2 evenings each week that one of us leaves the house so the other partner gets alone time at home. Forces us both to make plans with friends or get out and try new things and gives us space to enjoy an empty apartment." -- u/Anxious-Cabinet8134
"If you're about to vent to your partner, let them know whether you're just looking to be heard or if looking for a solution. If your partner starts to vent without disclosing that, ask."
"I cannot tell you how many times clearing that up ahead of time and setting expectations could have avoided a conflict. Most of the time, we just want to be validated/indulged for a sec." -- u/michelle_eva04
"'I feel hurt. I am upset because this happened to me.. etc' speaking about my feelings and focusing on how I feel to communicate the conflict rather than accusing 'You did this to me. You made me feel like this. Because you did this...'" -- u/0ctopotat0
"Leave your phones in the kitchen after work. You'll be shocked at how much time you spend together. Not talking once you take phones and scrolling out of the picture and reconnect." -- u/StubbornTaurus26
"Never miss an opportunity to say 'I love you' -- even in the smallest, most mundane moments, like ending a phone call about groceries. We never know which moments might be our last." -- u/theycallmegale